What Do I Say...?

  • Keep in mind when trying to find the right words to say to someone in grief context, timing and who is saying them is important.  Here are some examples and suggestions from the bereaved:

    Things to Say to Someone After Their Loss:

    1. I am so sorry for your loss.
    2. I wish I had the right words, just know I care.
    3. I don’t know how you feel, but I am here to help in any way I can.
    4. You and your loved one will be in my thoughts and prayers.
    5. My favorite memory of your loved one is….
    6. I am always just a phone call away. (call to check on them, or ask if they would like to talk?)
    7. Give a hug instead of saying something.  (Unless we are using social distancing)
    8. We all need help at times like this, I am here for you.
    9. I am usually up early or late, if you need anything.
    10. Saying nothing; just be present with the person.

    Try to Avoid Making These Comments:

    1. At least she lived a long life, many people die young.
    2. He is in a better place.
    3. She brought this on herself.
    4. There is a reason for everything.
    5. Aren’t you over him yet, he has been dead for a while now.
    6. You can have another child still.
    7. She was such a good person God wanted her to be with him.
    8. I know how you feel. 
    9. She did what she came here to do and it was her time to go.
    10. Be strong. 

    Many of us have said “The Best” and “The Worst.” We meant no harm. In fact, we meant just the opposite. We were trying to comfort our loved ones. A grieving person may just need to know you're there.  Reach out to them and listen.  Let them talk.  Keep in mind when trying to find the right words to say to someone grieving that context, timing and who is saying them is important as well.  Be sensitive to their circumstances, but don't avoid contacting them to lend your support.

    Please visit the following for support and more information:  https://www.lmvna.org/grief/